Note from Gin: Barbara Mudd is a member of the Delay, Don't Deny: Intermittent Fasting Support community on Facebook. Barbara is brilliant when it comes to encouraging others, and we can't get enough of her wisdom in the group. Now, with no further ado, let's hear from Barbara!
We understand where you’re coming from. We lived there too.
The constant measuring. The counting of calories. Obsessing over macros. Dissecting recipes. Analyzing labels. The fervent journaling. The stress. The cheating. Feeling like a failure. Self-loathing. Binging. Despair. Building up the strength to TRY it again.
And that was your LIFE.
Your insulin was out of whack, your cortisol was through the roof, but your weight was steady as a rock.
Yep. Its enough to make you justifiably nuts.
THEN you end up in the DDD group. And it’s different. Everyone’s hanging loose, laughing, evidently shrinking away as they speak, posting pics of food you haven’t allowed yourself to eat since 1972, and they’re telling you to CHILL. Be at peace.
And maybe you even forgot how.
How can you relax?? What if you eat too many calories and gain 18,000 pounds?
What if you eat too few and go into (gasp) starvation mode?
What if you don’t eat enough protein and your muscles start wasting…?
What if you eat too much fat and have to go directly to jail, do not pass GO, and do not collect $200?
What if your window is too long? What if its too short? What if you just don’t like black coffee, dammit?
What if you get (double gasp) HANGRY????
What if ….what if….what if….. ???
Its enough to KEEP you nuts. And it will if you let it.
But here’s a thought:
What if all that worrying, attention, obsessing is a BIG part of the problem?
**What if us trying to micromanage what is supposed to be an easy, natural process, is the biggest reason for its very malfunction?**
Not just because it keeps your cortisol elevated which is going to make it harder to lose weight….but because it is literally counter-productive.
People were of normal sizes until the government (don’t get me started on snack food and pharmaceutical lobbyists) started stepping in and telling everyone HOW and WHAT to eat. People were healthier then. Stronger. Less food obsessed. More in tune with their bodies.
I want to be like them.
I have lost 55 pounds in 5 months and I truly believe that the biggest part of WHY is that I made the decision to do this and RELAX; to relinquish control back to my body. I keep it loose and easy peazy.
I follow only one simple principle: I fast clean until I decide to eat. That's IT.
My decision to eat is dictated by the events in my life. If it’s a regular day, I eat once around noon. If there’s a party, celebration, special occasion—then there’s no restrictions, I simply enjoy the event. Guilt has no seat at my table.
I don’t count hours. Couldn’t care less if I fasted 22 hours yesterday and only 20 today. I don’t watch a clock and white knuckle it 30 more minutes until my window opens. My body unmistakably TELLS me when my window is open; it’s when my thoughts suddenly turn strongly to food.
I don’t count calories. I truly don’t believe that they have much to do with weight loss as evidenced by my own journey. I eat until my body tells me it’s had enough. Some days that seems to be a lot. Sometimes, its ridiculously little. That’s OK.
I don’t count macros and dictate to my body how much of what its going to have. Who am I to decide that? It has different requirements, different days. I have NO idea what my body is doing that day and what it needs--- it could be healing, it could be rebuilding, it could be eliminating unwanted structures, it could be breaking down a tumor…. I let my body tell me what it NEEDS and I feed it accordingly.
Adopting that one simple principle has set me free from food obsession and endless hours of guilt and uncertainty and worry. It’s taken huge loads off my mind. It has unbowed my shoulders and straightened my back with relief from that heavy load of erroneous Western Medicine Guideline data that led me to obesity in the first place.
I am finding balance in life from refusing to micromanage my body any longer. My body is in charge of fuel regulation now. I can already tell you that it’s doing a MUCH better job of it than I ever did. I should have retired that position LONG ago.
So please, consider stepping out in trust.
I KNOW, you’ve been mislead, so many times before…..but this isn’t a diet. There are no supplements. We’re not trying to sell you a damn thing. These aren’t nutritional guidelines. We won't make you get a club tattoo. We have no ulterior motives.
<3 This is an invitation to initiate the healing process that will bring you back into alignment with your body, and will hopefully lead to your decision to Get Out Of Your Body’s Way and let it lead its OWN fuel regulatory process. <3
They say “misery loves company”. That may be true. I don’t know.
But Peace and Freedom definitely love company and WE INVITE YOU TO JOIN US. <3
So: you're trying intermittent fasting. Maybe you are a new intermittent faster, or maybe you've been doing it for awhile. Every day you manage to white-knuckle it to your eating window, but you wistfully look at people eating around you ALL. DAY. LONG. You smell their delicious lunches. (Funny how a Lean Cuisine can suddenly look appealing...) You see them drinking a coffee with fancy flavored creamer or even enjoying a frappi-diabetes-uccino, and you resent that THEY "get to" eat, drink, and be merry, while you are sitting there drinking your black coffee-bean water and counting the hours until you can break your fast. Sound familiar? I've been there, too. Fortunately, I no longer feel that way, and it is because I have completely changed my mindset.
You may or may not know that I am an elementary teacher, and this has been my profession for the past 27 years. As a teacher, one of the most important books that I ever read was a book called Mindset, written by Dr. Carol Dweck. The book is based on Dr. Dweck's research into the importance of a person's mindset. As an example, she found that when children feel like their success is related to hard work and perseverance, which she calls a "growth mindset," they are willing to take on challenges and persevere through difficulties. If, however, they are trapped in a "fixed mindset," they feel like their abilities are "fixed," and therefore they are unwilling to take risks or push through certain challenges. Based on her research, I completely changed the way I speak to children, and I have found that it has made a tremendous difference in my classroom. I no longer tell them they are "smart" or that they are "good" at something. Instead, I mention how hard they have worked to master a skill, or ask them to explain how they figured something out. When they are having trouble with something, I ask them to try and figure out why they are having that particular issue and then encourage them to make a plan to overcome the challenge. Because of this change, I have found that my students are more willing to take risks and they are also willing to fail. They understand that it takes hard work to do anything worthwhile, and while everyone has certain strengths and weaknesses, we are not stuck with our current abilities. Anything worth doing takes work, and we are all capable of growth. If you are interested in learning more about the research related to mindset, click here.
I have applied this research on the importance of mindset into my personal life, as well. We can get stuck in certain types of thinking that affect our lives in many ways. For example, I used to be trapped in a "diet" mindset. I felt like I was either "on" a diet, or I was "off" of it. I was either being "good" on my diet, or I was "cheating." And so I was always either losing weight, or I was gaining weight, depending on whether I was "on" or "off"; "good" or "bad." Can you relate to that? If you have as much dieting history as I do, I am sure you can.
When I first discovered intermittent fasting, I approached it with my typical diet mindset. I thought I would follow it until I got to my goal, and then I would figure out how to maintain my loss in a way that allowed me to "eat like a normal person" as much as possible. I viewed intermittent fasting as a temporary fix to a temporary problem. What I didn't realize is that the diet mindset was actually my PERMANENT problem, and that is the thing I needed to fix. And I needed to fix it PERMANENTLY. Only by losing the diet mindset could I finally lose the weight I also needed to lose. When I realized that intermittent fasting needed to be my lifestyle in order to maintain the 80+ pound loss, it made a tremendous difference. I wasn't going to stop intermittent fasting, and there was no end point at which time I could declare I was done. I had officially conquered the diet mindset, and it felt great. I will NEVER "diet" again!
I hope you have stuck with me, because this next section describes the most important mental shift of all. For a long part of the process, I was also stuck in the "can't" mindset. I "can't" eat until 5. I "can't" eat when everyone else is eating. I "can't" put stevia in my coffee. I was focused on deprivation, which is a carryover of my old diet mindset. Instead of enjoying the fasting time, I put my attention onto what I couldn't do. I have to admit: sometimes fasting during the day felt like torture that I had to tolerate until it was time to eat. I saw coworkers, friends, or family members eating breakfast and lunch and I felt disgruntled. Why couldn't I eat like everyone else? I deserved it!
If you're still stuck in the "can't" mindset, it's time to change that. You will NEVER enjoy the intermittent fasting lifestyle until you get rid of the "can't" mentality.
Here is one example of how I have changed my self-talk. I no longer tell myself that I deserve to eat just because everyone else is eating. No, I tell myself that I deserve to be slim and healthy! Once I made that particular mind-shift, I was able to watch others eat without feeling the least bit disgruntled. I am able to cook breakfast for my family and not even have one moment where I feel like I should be eating along with them. Whenever you start to feel like you deserve to eat something, remember that what you really deserve is to be slim and healthy.
What about the "can't" mindset? How do you conquer that particular feeling? Try reading or re-reading the benefits of intermittent fasting. Remember: it's not all about weight loss (though we aren't mad about that particular benefit, are we?) No, it's about having vibrant health! You have discovered the fountain of youth! To remind yourself of some of these amazing health benefits, re-read my blog post called "2017: The Year of Intermittent Fasting", and pay close attention to the section on autophagy.
It's not that you "can't" eat frequently; it's that you CHOOSE NOT TO! You now know it's better for your body to not be in a fed state constantly. You are CHOOSING to give your body a long period each day to take care of cellular housekeeping; one side effect happens to be that you will eventually lose your excess fat and then you'll be at your ideal weight forever. WIN-WIN, PEOPLE! Where's the deprivation there? I certainly didn't feel deprived last month when I bought a pair of size 0 jeans at The Loft (thanks, vanity sizing!) When you view fasting through the lens of health and longevity, you realize that you are only depriving yourself of the diseases related to the over-consumption of food and constant insulin release. I am actually pretty excited to deprive myself of those health problems!
Would you like to know one other way to help lose your "can't" mindset? For me, it's every single time I make a choice to extend my eating window and eat early in the day. I did that very thing on Tuesday of this week. It was a teacher workday, and all teachers know that the most exciting days of the year are the days when we get to LEAVE SCHOOL AND GO TO A RESTAURANT. Like a REAL PERSON. With ADULTS. Teachers of the world know what I mean--there's just something exciting about driving away from that school building in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY with your teacher friends.
So, what's a teacher to do? I decided that since I was sitting there in my smallest jeans, I might as well enjoy a great lunch. After all, this is a lifestyle, not a prison sentence. I can eat lunch if I want to. So I did! Then, after lunch, we had cake at a faculty meeting. Then, I spent the rest of the workday in a funk, feeling like I needed to take a nap. What's fun about that?!?!?!? Nothing at all, in fact. I was grumpy, I was tired, and I also suddenly felt like I wanted to snack for the rest of the day. Apparently this is a lesson that I have to learn over and over again. I have never once been glad that I ate lunch on the teacher workday. I guess I still have some work to do on my "special occasion" mindset. A teacher workday isn't really a special occasion, is it?
The good news is that I remembered this lesson yesterday when my husband wanted to take me out to lunch. Once I had first given him the stank-eye (because, HELLO? When is the last time you saw me eat lunch, and you may remember that I wrote a book about why?!?!?) I was able to convince him to Delay, Don't Deny, and we had a lovely meal...at 3:30 pm. (Turns out we had to go before 4 to get the "lunch special." My sweet husband wanted to save money by eating lunch at the restaurant instead of dinner. Bless.) It was a gorgeous day and we ate outside. I called it "dinner" and it was fantastic.
So, are you ready to change your mindset? Once you make these important mental shifts, you learn to appreciate the fasting time every bit as much as you appreciate the delicious foods that you eat in your eating window.
Oh, and understand that my personal mental shifts didn't happen overnight. Give it time. Most importantly, work on changing your self-talk, so that you can shift your mindset for good. I promise that life is better on the other side!
Gin Stephens lives in Augusta, Georgia, where she has been following an intermittent fasting lifestyle since 2014. In addition to writing the #1 Amazon best-seller Delay, Don't Deny and the follow-up book Feast Without Fear, Gin is host of the Intermittent Fasting Stories podcast and co-host of The Intermittent Fasting Podcast, along with fellow intermittent faster and author, Melanie Avalon. Check out www.intermittentfastingstories.com and www.ifpodcast.com or search for the podcasts through your favorite podcast app.